gisting.

taylor wanted me back. the feelings were not reciprocated, so he said "hah! just kidding," and left his arm around my shoulder.

progress.

i can only kinda sorta remember one thing from last night's set of dreams. in it, it was yesterday right after i had gotten out of the shower. i was putting lotion on my legs and for some reason, 5 minutes later all the sores started popping up everywhere i had put the lotion. they didn't hurt, but they were gruesome looking.

[s]lacking.

no, i'm not slacking. i'm just lacking in the dream department right now.

storm.

so in this dream, i finally take the mountain trip that some friends of mine and i have been planning for a while now. we go up in two separate cars and when we get there, we're not actually at the mountain house. we're at my grandmother in north augusta's house. regardless, we go on as if it were the mountain house and have a grand old time. in the kitchen, instead of the round wooden table she has, there is a bed and that's the one my friend carl and i share because "it's our mountain house" so we'll take the "main bedroom, even though it only has one queen bed." (in the actual mountain house, this is the case). there's sexual tension for the entire "weekend" but we don't actually do anything. when it's time to start packing up and heading home, there's another guy there from my high school that i don't particularly like but don't hate either. he says that we are now dating, much to mine (and carl's) dismay.

as we're packing, the two main characters from "wizards of waverly place" show up and start having a magic fight. they unleash this huge dragon and i run into the den of my grandmother's house. since it's too big to actually get in the house, it just stretches out it's neck and that winds through the house, looking for me. when it does eventually get to the den, i'm waiting for it and crush it's head with the tv. we continue packing.

suddenly, we're at my house in newberry, but we're still packing as though we were in the mountain house (that looks like my grandmother's). my mom and her friend are there. we look out the windows and within view on the horizon, there is a harbor and a storm mellowing in it. all of a sudden, the storm kicks up a tidal wave and one of those huge old wooden ships is tossed from the ocean by it, landing almost right at our house. relieved that my entire family was in the house, safe and sound, i was awoken by my alarm.

private.

oh my.

this one was private. much too much too private to share on the internet.


let's just say, i don't think i'll be having dreams about taylor again anytime soon. fingers crossed, anyway.

chaos.

i had about four or five dreams last night and i'm only remembering in bits and pieces. these are the ones i remember enough to hold a significant amount of weight. and yes, i'm aware of the pattern going on in them.

#1
i'm at a party at my grandmother's house and i'm walking around looking for taylor. i run into my mom and she asks me what i'm doing and i tell her that i'm looking for taylor. she starts laughing at me saying, "what is going on in your head? you think he'd actually come? he doesn't love you."

#2
i'm sitting outside my dorm room in the hall talking to taylor, telling him about a dream i had last night (i didn't actually have it, but regardless i think i did). in it, we had broken into the church i used to go to as a kid and playing over the loud speakers in the church (it doesn't actually have loud speakers) was "so desperate" by the mountain goats (i can only assume because we were in an episcopalian church). we walked up to the altar, side by side, and then he turned and looked at me. and then, we had the entire conversation we had when breaking up. at the end of the conversation, we both turned and walked off different sides of the altar. i turned and looked at him, he kept staring straightforward.

#3
my parents have just bought me a new red sports car. i'm driving along cherry road when i get the sudden urge to go into this comic book shop i'd been to a few times with taylor before. when i was pulling back out onto cherry, i tried to gun it in front of this other car. i managed to get ahead of the other car, but couldn't slow down in time to avoid hitting the car stopped at the stop light in front of me. both cars not severely damaged, we pulled them over into the parking lot beside cherry road so that we wouldn't hold up traffic. a policeman pulls up and tells me i'm going to have a $7500 ticket in addition to 4 points. i start crying, but no tears are coming out. like, i'm literally participating in the act of crying but there is no liquid coming from my eyes. the cop is looking at his paper and goes, "now, now. you're parents aren't exactly pushing diamonds here but they don't have a lot going on. they can pay $7500." and i said, "no, no they can't. they have to keep putting me through school and my sister next year and keep paying for this car and they just paid for me to go to paris and my sister to go on a cruise for our spring breaks and i could cover a $85 ticket so they wouldn't find out about it, but i can't take care of $7500." the policeman comes and wraps his arm around my shoulders and says, "there, there. it's alright. taylor's here." and i look over and the cop is taylor.

nothing.

black. empty. nothingness.

it really worries me when i don't dream.

church, target, and dying.

part 1

it's the middle of june and i'm at salkehatchie (church camp similar to habitat for humanity). one group, instead of actually going out and building houses, is left at the church to guard the pews and alter that were moved out of the sanctuary for it's remodeling. i am in said group, so we pretty much just sit around watching movies all day. then, just to get the whole experience, we decided to paint the inside of the pantry with the door closed (for the high feeling you always get after painting at salkehatchie).

when we exit the pantry, there is a dance competition going on in the family life center. there are three contestants and then those three contestants pick whomever they want to be part of their dance crew and then battle it out. these three contestants are: my ex-boyfriend, taylor, corbin bleu, and a guy i used to work with, ian. i don't pay attention to the first two groups, but the last one i do because it's taylor's. as i'm watching, all i can do is laugh. when he asks if they were that bad, i reply, "no, you're just so white."

i turn around and there is a little confession booth behind a bar set up on the far wall. i walk over to it, look inside, see nothing and then come back out from behind the bar. as i do, ashleigh (from the tv show "greek") and a guy dressed as a priest run into the confession booth and start getting hot and heavy.

part two

i'm suddenly at target. but it's not an american target, it's a french target. monica, jared, and ally are there. monica goes to the next aisle to talk to her dad and jared and i go up to make a purchase. as jared buys his apples, i decide not to buy the book i was going to get (the fifth harry potter book, one i already own) because it's too expensive. i go over to the next aisle and the next thing i know, i'm driving a station wagon through trees (like, literally up IN the trees) that look surprisingly similar to the trees in farmville.

part three

ally and i are sitting in her bathroom with the door locked because two guys (the previously mentioned ian and his brother) are killing everyone in the house. they already have 50 people lined up outside and are now looking for us. we decided to flood the bathroom, so they'll think we aren't in there (dream logic, you know). they call it their game and i start to feel very similar to anne frank while she was hiding from the nazis.

then something strange happened. i became aware that i was in a dream. so, knowing i was in the dream, i knew that i could control dream ian to have a change of heart and not kill ally and me. so not taking any of it seriously, i decided to download a song i "wanted played during our hanging." (the song was "it's the end of the world as we know it" by r.e.m.). then, because i knew i was in a dream, i remembered that i had to type all of this out in my new blog. as soon as i started typing, ian and his brother finally busted into the bathroom. still thinking that i could control the situation, i tried to convince ian to allow me to continue downloading and typing. he didn't. it was at this point that i realized i couldn't control the dream anymore. as allyson and i were being walked out to the gallows, we walked past taylor, who was sitting on the couch in ally's living room that i always sleep on when i spend the night. he was laughing. i started yelling at him, "why are you laughing? can't you see we're going to die? they've already put the nooses around our necks!" and he says, "you laughed at my dancing."

memory.

dreams have always fascinated me, and when i have them i almost always remember them.

so since the dream journal thing didn't work out, i'm hoping the dream blog will.

so, until tomorrow morning then...